I was fairly recently speaking about a so-called “relationship problem” that has a girl.
She’s 35 years old and though she claims that she desperately needed to be married with kids by now, it hasn’t happened.
This relationship goal of hers is her target for just a dozen years, and per year which “happily ever after” life has eluded her she has developed more unhappier with her life.
She complains that all of the individual men that she meets come out to be “losers”.
(Another unhappy relationship structure of hers is definitely angry rage pattern of verbal encounter that she explodes into when her expectations are certainly not met in a relationship.)
I tried explaining to her that the more she waits for her life to help the psychological state of her, the structure of her of unhappiness grows more and more deeply engrained. Which means she is going to feel more and more trapped in unhappiness under all circumstances.
She insisted that her unhappiness is a result of her not being in a loving relationship and she carried on to blame the anger of her and melancholy on the males who have let her down.
This specific viewpoint of hers represents what we can call UNCONDITIONAL unhappiness.
I told her, “While you think that the despondency of yours will instantly lift whether you might only end up with a happy marriage, you would discover very quickly that the sorrow of yours and anger returns even in case you did meet male of the goals of yours. Why? Because your negative emotional pattern is habitual.”
Provided we make our unhappiness someone else’s responsibility, or blame it on our life-conditions, we cultivate an unhappy attitude that seems more and more inescapable.
Another factor at play here is about the so-called “losers” she’s attracting.
Provided that we stay in a bad emotional state, we seriously can’t attract or look for good, emotionally healthy individuals to bond with.
We repel emotionally healthy individuals on a conscious or subconscious level, because our attitude problem “radiates” and others “pick up on” the bad mental imbalance we live in.
Do YOU suffer from UNCONDITIONAL unhappiness?
The way out begins as you’re taking responsibility for your emotional reactions and attitudes toward life and toward individuals, instead of regarding the circumstances of yours or someone else as responsible for the way you think.
The next thing is examining your perceptions and mental states until you identify how the negativity of yours, not your circumstances, is really all that stands in just how between you and happiness.
The 3rd detail will be to patiently and persistently work on being a lot more aware of your thoughts and the attitudes of yours, so that you can practice being a little LESS angry and also free and unhappy yourself from the habit of unhappiness, little by little, each day.
As a result, you are going to find your life to be more gorgeous simply how it’s, you will bring in “better” folks into your life, and you’ll be emotionally consistent and resilient in case you do find a true “winner” of a mate for a healthier, happier marriage.